


Unladylike

by telefool



Category: Buzzfeed Ladylike (Web Series), Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Clothing, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Gender Roles, Lingerie, M/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 19:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16625426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telefool/pseuds/telefool
Summary: Shane and Ryan do another episode of Ladylike, leaving them with a lot unsolved.





	Unladylike

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a little ouch-y. Don't read if you're feeling really dysphoric, or if you can't handle me making Shane cry. This will probably update pretty sporadically- I wanna take my time on it.

"Today, we're going to do something a little different with Shane." Kristin says, her smile smooth and matte for the camera. A polished smile, and Shane suddenly wishes he'd thought to use his little jar of lip scrub before he came in to film today. It's a leftover from their week of make-up and he uses it most days they film now, liking the sticky sensation, the small taste of honey it leaves behind- the way it turns his lips clean and pink. Fresh for the camera.

"So, we took Ryan in sort of- in sort of tomboy kind of direction-"

"Yeah, we wanted Rihanna-"

"Riri!" Freddie cheers.

He is too grateful they hadn't given him a stage name to wonder why.

"-just wanted to make sure Riri felt comfy in the clothes we chose for her. She's a gal that owns- _wait_ \- how many jerseys after all-?"

"It's fairly comfortable." Ryan agrees brightly. Shane is sure he's just glad they took pity on him and gave him jeans. The shirt they'd chosen is sheer, and somehow still hides his arms, which Shane sort of hates- but the soft peachy pink color does look good on him. Ryan looks pinked himself, and fairly pleased.

Shane horribly, almost desperately wishes they'd debuted at the same time. He doesn't know why. All it would have done was give Ryan more time to laugh, and he would already be doing plenty of that.

Shane's hands clench in the sensible skirt he's wearing. It's a soft russet brown, like good wood paneling in some soft fabric, the same-ish stuff his plaid pants had been made out of on Ladylike last time, that sweet faux suede stuff.

At least this episode would live up to it's name.

"But with Mr. Madej-"

"Something more-"

"Right, we wanted something more natural-"

He supposes the deep brown ankle boots are natural, in that they make him look like a wood elf. They clip on the floor as he walks around the partition, where Ryan's breath sucks in, audible where he stands beside him.

"Oh _baby_!" Kristin shouts jubilantly, to which Shane smiles. It's for a video, no one was going to be _negative_ , but her brilliant smile feels pretty reassuring anyway. "You _look_ -"

"Holy shit." Ryan says, and Shane absolutely refuses to look at him. "Shane- whoa-"

"What's wrong Ryan?" Shane asks and every time his brain is like- too much teasing? enough teasing? What's ever _enough_ with Ryan? Shane hasn't found an answer yet. He drops one hand to his hip- tries to work it? He's never known what that meant, but he tries anyway. It's a video- it's what he's supposed to do- Shane just wishes he'd remembered his lip scrub. "You never seen a lady before?"

The girls laugh right on cue, but Ryan's still just staring at him, and Shane's gotta be honest that wasn't the reaction he was expecting. Ryan's eyes take in the neat pinch of Shane's waist, held by a loose green snakeskin belt. It's the thinnest belt Shane had ever seen in his life, it's like waist jewelry. Ryan's eyes tracing the breadth of his shoulders in the navy-blue turtleneck, darting over the peek-a-boo 'boob window' like a skipped stone.

 _'I don't have those.'_ Shane had told Freddie blankly, and then to the camera, brightly. _'I don't have those!'_

It would make for a good cut, and Freddie had just laughed, told him it would work the same. Vintage clip-on earrings complete the look, but hair had done something soft and sort of flippy. He'd tried to joke around a bit at the startlement in their eyes when they'd seen their finished product, crack a few knee-slappers, you know- but nobody was laughing. Everyone was too busy treating him like a bubble- like he could pop.

They didn't know _they_ couldn't pop him. Shane still couldn't look at Ryan, even as he did a more obvious up and down for the camera.

"You look so good- so tall." Ryan says. Blinks and shakes his head, laughing but doesn't take it back, because he'd so clearly meant it. Ryan Bergara, too honest for his own pride, and Shane may not believe in ghosts or himself, but Ryan believes in both.

"No, you do. Shit, you look- _way_ better than me-" Ryan says, gesturing at all of himself, and Freddie squawks at the diss to her choices, leaving Kristin roaring with laughter. "Just- wow."

Shane purses his lips, puts his hands to his hips and poses, trying for an angle he'd seen on Vogue once. Ryan laughs, bright and delighted.

"Jesus, it's just like when you showed me up with the lipstick- I'm _younger than you-_ " Ryan takes a breath and looks to the camera, jerks his thumb back at Shane. "I'd ask her out, but she is _way_ too all for me."

"Maybe I'm into short guys in girl jeans." Shane says, and it's in his proposing-a-theory voice because it's hard not to sound like he means it. "Maybe I'm like-"

"You going to step on me?" Ryan asks. "Going to step all over me with your shiny boots?"

"That is- oh, that is so weird, Ryan." Shane says wonderingly, praying his dick hadn't twitched. Not at the appearance of Ryan's weird size-thing, but at the views this disaster of a video was going to get. "Why, why was that so specific?"

Ryan's cheeks darken, but his smile doesn't dampen at all.

"Well, too bad, _I'm_ only into sugar daddies." Ryan says, hoisting the wide strap of his purse back onto his shoulder. "Sooo-"

"What can you do?" Shane says, spreading his hands wide before the camera."She knows what she wants. Assertive. Ya gotta love that!"

He's sweating, Shane realizes, and he's suddenly thankful for the dark layers. In the mirror, alone, Shane had thought he'd looked like some sort of weird floating mask above an avant-garde mannequin. Like his face was a lollipop on his long dumb body. It's hardly Freddie's fault- but- now, the more that he moves in it-

"Okay so- good enough to wear to work?" Freddie asks, and Ryan grins at her, blinding in it's perfect sincerity.

"Nope." He says. "I'd get no work done."

His eyes flick to Shane when he says it, _and_ _why did Shane have to notice that?_

"I've got to go change." Shane says, then leans in for a faux aside. "These panties are _tight_."

" _Panties?_ " Ryan says, voice strangled like he's an EVP, but Shane's ducking behind the screen, already shucking off his boots. That was- fun, he supposes while simultaneously being the sort of stomach-churningly terrifying that Shane remembered from middle school. He never really wants to do it again, and he's totally going to have to do it again. Like, _right now_.

Freddie and Kristin are talking, doing lead in for the next segment, and Shane chooses to focus on their voices instead of the building anxiety of his thoughts.

"Alright, so now we're going to do nightwear. At the suggestion of our viewers, we decided to take on a rather different definition of night wear-"

They'd brought it up at the filming, and Shane had agreed readily. Last time he'd gotten to keep the clothes, and the video had been pretty popular. Besides 'Milky Bottom' Bergara had been great fodder for the fandom.

He hadn't- he hadn't known it would feel this way.

Shane pulls at the bag holding the next outfit, and oh, shit, there _are_ panties with this one. From the muffled giggles Kristin had been leaking at his joke, she fucking knew it too. Goddamn.

The room falls silent for a second, and then the girls pick up again. Cracking jokes, and commentary for the video, and then real silence as the crew resets the cameras. They'll cut all this awkward blank space in the video of course- trim back Shane's hour long panic attack to a neat twenty minute segment of gaffs and giggles.

"Let us know when you're ready!" Kristin calls. "They need to adjust the mics for you."

Shane looks down at himself and wonders if the mic will be able to pick up his rushed breathing. He doesn't understand what he's feeling-

"Okay, so we did Riri first last time-"

"So... she should definitely go first again." Shane says, buttoning the last button, and his stomach flutters a little at the silky fabric brushing along the down of hair under his bellybutton.

"I- uh, I don't want to this time-" Ryan says, and Shane wonders what they've done to him. Bet it looked good, and god, where is his head? "Can I- Can I- this is actually a lot- "

"Shut up and put the panties on Bergara!" Freddie shouts and Kristin peals with laughter as though on cue. "Really though, Ryan, do you not like it?"

When Ryan didn't respond Shane knew he'd given up.

"We could do it at the same time?" Shane offers. Pulls his robe loosely around himself.

"Okay. Okay. I can do - quit growling at me Freddie, these do not fit my ass-"

" _Lordy._ " Shane says, his eyebrows rising.

"Ready for the mics?" One of the crew calls, and Shane nods, and then felt like an idiot.

"Yeah, yeah."

Matt ducks around the corner with a mic, and Shane meets his eyes head on, from his own lifted, lofty height. Okay. Maybe he digs the shoes.

"See something you like?" Shane asks and Matt laughs awkwardly before falling quiet. That's the best thing about making a career out of talking about serial killing- nobody liked to break the silences you made.

This time, at least, the mic is an easy fix- as compared to last time- a struggle, between the turtle neck and the boob window. Shane had been at such a loss he'd had to call somebody over, but this is much easier. It clips neatly to the collar of his button down- simple and yet still nothing like anything he's worn before. For starters it's a buttery sort of yellow, and the tag had informed him it's made of treated silk. It feels too soft, and falls in lemon ripples to his knees, with buttons running the length. It's simple and beautiful- Shane can hardly fault Kristin's taste.

It's just that all he has under it is a pair of too-tight panties, and for some reason that's making meeting Matt's eyes harder than normal.

As soon as the mic is secure, Shane pulls the robe back up and over his bare shoulders. It's pretty too, in a way Shane rarely feels about clothes, patterned with huge, baroque chrysanthemums, in yet more silk. The statement piece, Shane can only assume.

As if the shoes aren't making enough of a statement. Oh, Ryan would certainly have things to say about these shoes. Shane is pretty sure they're they best bit of the outfit- they make him tall enough that his toes look small. A pity about all the straps, he's never really been into ankle bdsm.

"Okay, I'll intro-"

"Yeah, you go ahead-"

"Okay. So! Here are the girls, rocking their fresh nighttime looks-"

"Perfect for being chased down long hallways with billowy curtains-"

"Or for receiving calls from _inside the house- !_ "

"Why would I call myself?" Shane asks as he walks out, but it's mostly lost among the whooping and catcalling.

Ryan Bergara is on fucking display.

"Don't undress me with you eyes." Ryan tells him and for a second Shane sort of can't stop, just watches smooth skin move under the sheer pink of his babydoll. It's form fitting, but not tight, showing off the strength in his arms and shoulders. Two small triangles make up the cups, made of the same sheer fabric, hugging close to his ribs before falling away, flaring out as he moves to hide behind Shane despite his previous accusations. Shane can see the flat brown of his nipples through the bubblegum pink material, can see the decals on his tiny white shorts, it's so sheer. He looks-

"Yeah, but check out the kicks!" Ryan says with forced enthusiasm, and Shane bends a bit, looking at the athletic stretch of his legs before they end in a pair of white Jordan's making him look like Lola Rabbit. God, he's honestly adorable and Shane must look like wizarding Big Bird.

"You like a Valentine's Candy-gram." Shane says and Ryan scowls at him, stepping away. And then he remembers the cameras and shies back towards Shane. "Like, an expensive one-"

"Shut up." Ryan says. "And stop looking at my nips."

"I'm- I'm not." Shane says, startled. Mostly because he's been trying so hard not to but Ryan just bursts into a quick flurry of anxious giggles.

"Yes you are! All of you are gross. Freddie, is this because of the t-shirt video? You just had to have more of my pepperoni?"

"Jesus." Shane says, a surprised laugh escaping him, and when he looks down at Ryan, Ryan's grinning back up at him.

"Alright, Shane first-"

"Okay, yeah so you can go to the mirror-"

And then he's looking at himself and- holy shit, he's actually- it's not- not bad. Honestly, he looks intimidating. Kind of pretty. It's- It's different.

"So with Shane, again, he prefers comfort, so we tried to keep him comfortable in this look-"

"Except for the shoes-"

"Yeah, except for the shoes, haha!"

"Actually, the shoes aren't that bad." Shane says. Takes a swaying step closer to himself in the mirror, and it is crazy how heels are making everything feel like ballet. Is it working the same muscles? Is it the way his toes point?

Or is it just the way they make him feel floaty and pretty and tall?

"Oh-"

"Oh- _kay!_ "

"You are really tall." Ryan says, and when Shane looks over to where he's waiting by his folding screen, Ryan is staring at his legs. "Like, _really_ \- don't step on me."

"I'll crush you, little man." Shane says, and then laughs like a movie villain, and Ryan wheezes and then it's like he can breathe again. Kristin rattles off the brands he's sporting, makes him pose a bit- gives the boys some time to crack a few jokes.

Then they call Ryan forward, and Shane's finally allowed to slink to the side. Lets himself catcall a bit, as Riri struts it.

He's fucking hot, and Shane probably won't do another episode of Ladylike, even if this one gets a million views.

Alright, okay, maybe for a million views, but nothing less. He can't manage his heart rate for one, or his eyes, not with Ryan walking around in those shorts. That and he's startling every time he meets his own gaze in the mirror and he thinks he likes the ache building in his feet- a new, somewhat terrifying thought.

 _'Just need to get back in my ghoul boots.'_ Shane thinks. Re-crosses his arms trying to ignore the slinking slide of his _everything_ as he does so. Why are girl-clothes so soft?

Before he can lose his, now officially trademarked cool, they're wrapping up and Ryan and him are shuffling back behind their respective screens. They'll do the outro back in normal clothes, and although it'll be both a loss and a relief to slip back into his jeans, he imagines he'll have the same feelings about Ryan's lingerie.

About all that skin he's never had an excuse to look at before.

"That was actually really nerve-wracking." Ryan says to the camera behind him. "I have like- a _ton_ of respect for people who are brave enough to- to _be_ themselves- people who dress in a gender-nonconforming way every day- I don't know what I'm saying..."

Shane wishes he could stop listening so hard.

"I guess- If it was that scary for me- and like, I fight ghosts- to fight non-acceptance every day of your life- about how you feel. About who you _are_. That's- that's amazing, and don't ever stop."

"Aw, Ry!"

The girls are cooing and Shane is crying.

Huge, fat tears, the kind that makes his face go red and blotchy, dripping down his nose in broad hot trails. He sniffles once, remembers his mic, and unclips it hastily. Fuck. _Fuck._ Why is he _crying_?

Sobbing, actually, nasty and kind of wet. And, shit he's still in these fucking _clothes-_

He's half-undressed and sort of panicking when Ryan steps around, Shane clearly having taken longer than he expected. He's already re-Ryan'ed himself, snapback and all- Shane feels like a lunatic. He's still in the heels too, so he's like three stories tall.

"Hey, the girls wanted you-" He stops when he sees Shane's face, smashed and smeary with emotion. "What-"

"I- I stubbed my toe." Shane says. "Stupid shoes. I just need-"

"No way." Ryan counters. "Those heels could take out Manhatten. They're perfect."

Shane laughs, maybe a little too hard. Laughs to make sure Ryan knows that he knows these shoes on him are a joke. That that's all they ever could be, and it must not work, because instead Ryan drops to one knee like he's proposing, and begins unlacing the strappy binding on Shane's ankles.

It's... nice? But probably not very straight, definitely weird and Shane swallows. Tries not to think too hard about anything, tries to will his face less puffy.

"I think you should wear these to work." Ryan says.

"I think you should wear that babydoll to our solitary sleepover in the Winchester mansion. Think of all the views!"

"Fuck you." Ryan says and Shane's smiling easier now.

The last of the laces fall away and Shane steps down- tries not to notice Ryan hoverhanding him. He hardly needs assistance on a three inch step. However, once he's off Shane is three inches closer to Ryan's eyes. And Ryan's already packed into his ghoul boots.

And then they're just existing until Shane realizes he's still only wearing half a nightdress.

"I'm gonna-"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Ryan shuffles out, and Shane breathes.

-

Ryan walks up while he's reviewing the footage the next morning. It's the girl's show, so Shane won't have the same hand in editing, but he'd asked them to send him a copy of the raw so he could see it.

He looks... it doesn't matter. It's okay. Think of the views.

"I look like a stripper." Ryan tells . "I like it."

"Not a whole lot of you to strip." Is all Shane allows himself, but he's pleased when Ryan cracks a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/telefool)


End file.
